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No! No! NO!


When you hear the word NO what happens inside of you? What about when it is said directly to you? What about when you say NO to someone else?

For the vast majority of us we first encountered the word NO in our first or second year of life. The first time many of us heard NO in response to our actions might have looked something like this: a toddler gleefully ambles over to the nearest shiny object that has caught his/her eye. The tot stretches to grasp the object and inevitably to taste the shiny new treasure only to hear NO! This scene repeats for the next several years; you see an object of desire, proceed to obtain it and stop as a voice you recognize usually loving gly larger than yourself tells you NO!

Fast forward 10 years where you find yourself on the school playground asking the cool kids if you can join them: NO! This time the response comes from a group of voices, and you get the picture; you don’t belong. Move forward another 10 years and now you’re waiting expectantly for the mail to arrive; hoping, wishing, praying that an envelope with that school’s crest on it will appear, it does and as you scan the enclosed letter for the magic words of acceptance you read instead a formal ‘regret’ : NO! From here on out as an adult you continue to experience NO only now it seems that no comes from written missives rather than verbal ones. NO to your grad school of choice, NO to your dream job, NO from your dream spouse, NO to your dream home, and who you become in a scant thirty years is NO to your dream life.

That’s right, by the time you reach 30, you’ve heard the word NO so much that you’ve given it power over you and your life and you now relate to it personally. You have begun to believe that you can’t really go to the school you want, you can’t really drive the car you like, you can’t really work at the company you admire, you can’t really marry the person of your dreams, live in the house/neighborhood/city/country you desire…you can’t really live the life you want. Not really. So you settle, eventually you settle for the ‘best you can do with what you have’. You settle for the car you can ‘afford’, for the person who did say yes to marrying you, for the house that with ‘just the right touches’ will look kind of like what you really want.

Now I’m not telling you to go get in debt, rob a bank or kidnap your high school sweetheart. I’m simply pointing out that you’ve settled for less than what you truly desire all because you’ve given the word NO power over you; when you were two years old! You see when you were that little kid drooling and toddling at top speed towards the electrical outlet, your parents said the word NO, communicating ‘ Not yet- wait until you're older.’ You however heard NO you can NEVER have what you want. Seems like a bit of a stretch? Look with me again at the cute little 2 year old grasping for the glass vase on the table, or running to touch the stove like Mommy, or curiously reaching to stick something in the outlets on the wall like Daddy. Do you not now master all of the very things that were ‘forbidden to you as a child? You may not choose to, but you can iron, cook, drink out of a ‘real’ glass, plug your phone into the electrical outlets etc… You are living proof that real communication from your childhood was ‘Not yet- when you’re older.

As a matter of fact most of the NO’s you’ve experienced in life were not NO – NEVER, but rather NO- Not right now- fulfill these qualifications first. Truth is, it’s easier to walk away and pretend you heard NO-NEVER than it is to stick around and determine what it will take to fulfill the requested qualifications! Just like you now cook, iron, and drive, so to can you have/do any and everything else you desire. All that is required is for you to believe that YOU have the power over NO (you’ve been living like the opposite is true) and then choose to fulfill your desires. Nothing happens outside of 1. Belief and 2. Choice.

So how do you regain your inherent power over NO? Start by recognizing that you have been conditioned to react to the word NO from childhood. When you hear or even say the word NO, there is a conditioned response that occurs inside of you which takes you out of the present moment, away from the real communication being delivered and leaves you as powerless as that 2 year old reaching for the iron as Mommy pulls you away! So your first challenge in exercising your power is being present and staying present such that you can actually hear/deliver the entire communication. The key here is to get to your experience of NO. By recognizing your conditioned response to the word NO and then practicing staying present throughout your experience and your response. Gradually you will outgrow and move beyond your conditioned response into a space where you can consciously choose your response.

As you continue this practice and grow beyond the conditioned response from your childhood, you will transform. This personal transformation will allow you to actually begin to experience NO newly and differently, leaving you free and clear to experience the entire communication behind the NO. The opportunity here is for you to live the life of your dreams as an adult rather than your second choice life settled on as a result of a conditioned reaction to the word NO. YOU have the power to transform in any and every moment. The power to live abundantly is yours in this NOW moment and in each moment that follows. Believe in yourself and choose to live the life of your dreams.

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